Friday, June 4, 2010

Notes from 2010: January 14, 1999.

So, ten years down the road--how much do I actually remember?

More than I thought I would. More than I hoped I would at the time, though I don't really wish I could forget anymore. All the shit I went through--the good, the bad, all of it--makes me who I am. And while I'm still very much a work in progress, I feel like where I am now is an okay starting point for where I'm trying to go. If I forgot the bad stuff... I think I'd lose a lot of the strength I've built up over the years. That would in no way be a good thing.

Reading these entries does sometimes trigger a memory I'd more or less forgotten about, and there are some things that are complete mysteries to me now--the odd name I can't associate any face or personality with anymore, some situation I referred to very obliquely that I can't fill in the blanks about. But for the most part, I remember it all pretty well. I can still remember what it was like to feel the things I felt back then. And yes, most of those feelings are only pale revenants of the real thing--but they are still there, locked away in my head. It's not like the half-written fanfics I mentioned, where I'd go back and read the two or three paragraphs I'd written, and not be able to remember where on earth I was planning to go with them. My past is still surprisingly vivid.

Wonder if it'll still be so clear in another ten years?

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