Jan. 22, 1999.

You know, I think I'm going to give up on making jokes, because no one ever seems to like them. Or get them. Colin, Mom, Hannah, Dani, Izzy, Teddy, Dad... no one. Not that any of them really care about anything I do, at all.

I'm hurting again, can you tell? I'm in pain, once more. Not that there isn't always a little hurt in the corner of my soul.

I want to scream. I wish no one was home, so I could.

I think I'm going to cry, and I have no idea why I should feel like doing that. I can't help it. I've been so stressed lately, and now it's all coming back to me again.

D'you know, the nights before my math exam, almost a week ago, I was wigging so bad that I was actually afraid of the dark? Can you imagine? Me, who's loved the dark for years, reverting back to my feelings about it as a small child. I was so messed up, because I was so freaked I would fail.

I feel sick, like I'm going to throw up, but I never do, when I feel like this.

I want to just curl up and sob. Find a safe place to hide in, where someone who will be able to love, really love me, who I could love, can find me. A place where only people like that could find me, where I could cry out the pain and the hurt, and they would actually comfort, and care. Then, when my last drop of pain had fallen from my eyes, I would go off with them, to a place where we could all be together, and be happy.

I'm lonely again--no, make that still--too.

I want to tell Izzy off so bad. I can't express how much he annoys me, when I see him, now. He really gets on my nerves badly.

If he dares to tell me that "he'll call me" one more time, I will so tell him off. I'll be such a bitch to him. He can't bullshit me, and expect me to take it, to believe it, still, can he?

He thinks I'm an idiot, as far as I can tell. Yay, another person to treat me like I'm stupid.

He's a hypocrite, too, calling so many people immature. Ooh, and he's not? God, what a little bastard. I hardly want to be friends with him, anymore.

Most of my friends suck. Wow. Life's just grand.

I really need to cry. I'll be back later. Maybe not this morning, but some time soon.

Love eternal, and blessed be,

- Vale