Friday, May 21, 2010

Jan. 9, 1999: Entry 1.

Nihao, Nikki-chan.

I should be studying, so this'll probably be short.

I've got nothing in particular to say--just needed to write. I just finished Lord of the Vampires. **Incredible** book! That series is my favourite that I've ever read. It's wonderful!!! I'm glad beyond words that it wasn't just a sad ending for everyone. I'm glad (more than glad, ecstatic) for them all who lived happily ever after, in the end. I will miss them, but I will read the books over, and over, and over, so we will not be parted for long.

Why does it frighten me, to think about the guy I was telling you about yesterday? It half terrifies me to contemplate him, now. Is it because I'm afraid of making a fool of myself, or rejection? Or is it because I'm afraid of actually someday loving someone intensely? Or is it something about him himself, which causes fear to come into my heart, when I think about him? Is my fear tangible, or is it irrational? Could it be because he may be so much older than I? Or, could it be something else?

Ahh, this is the sort of magickal, wondrous night when I wish I was out driving. Driving nowhere in particular, or on my trip cross-continent. Or, perhaps, living on my own, and singing, and dancing around alone in my apartment.

Something pulls me, calls to me, on nights such as this one. I can't explain it, but it's always there. On nights like this, it's so much stronger than on other ones. I love it, this pull on me, and I only wish that I could follow where it leads me, but, as yet, I cannot.

Someday, I will find out. Someday, I swear it.


I want to get into a car, and drive, just drive, where the wind bids me go. It's Somewhere far from here, but I know nothing more than that.

It may not even be anywhere I can get to just by car. I don't know.

I best go study my chemistry, now, Nikki-chan. I'll probably write another entry in you later tonight.

Love eternal,

- Vale

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