Jan. 14, 1999.

Y'know, it's already the first set of exams--the first term.

I'm about seven-and-a-half months away from becoming a senior.

Wow.

I've been thinking a lot about future, the future, and the flow of time in general, lately.

Well, I guess that I always have spent more time than most people considering them, ever since I was old enough to try to comprehend, but, I've been doing it even more than usual, for the past few months.

I'm growing up. Faster than I ever imagined I would. It's wonderful, but more than a little scary. More than a lot scary, sometimes.

The whole exams thing, for some reason, seems very surreal, when I stop and think about it. I mean, my chemistry exam as not-exam-like while I was writing it! How's that for weird? *grins*

You know, in a few years--five, ten--I may not remember much about my current life. If I set aside this diary for a few years, once I was done with it, I could easily forget that a lot of this ever happened. And, when I did read the old entries again, I could either have it all come back to me, in a rush, or it could be like those fanfics I've started, where I can remember a little about it all (the story, I mean), when I read it, but, otherwise, I don't recall much plot, premise, nor what it was actually about.

In all honesty, I would like to forget a lot of this. I would have no problems forgetting that a lot of the things I've written about ever happened.

Jya-ne, Nikki-chan.

Wish me luck with it all.

- Vale

Notes from 2010: January 14, 1999.

So, ten years down the road--how much do I actually remember?

More than I thought I would. More than I hoped I would at the time, though I don't really wish I could forget anymore. All the shit I went through--the good, the bad, all of it--makes me who I am. And while I'm still very much a work in progress, I feel like where I am now is an okay starting point for where I'm trying to go. If I forgot the bad stuff... I think I'd lose a lot of the strength I've built up over the years. That would in no way be a good thing.

Reading these entries does sometimes trigger a memory I'd more or less forgotten about, and there are some things that are complete mysteries to me now--the odd name I can't associate any face or personality with anymore, some situation I referred to very obliquely that I can't fill in the blanks about. But for the most part, I remember it all pretty well. I can still remember what it was like to feel the things I felt back then. And yes, most of those feelings are only pale revenants of the real thing--but they are still there, locked away in my head. It's not like the half-written fanfics I mentioned, where I'd go back and read the two or three paragraphs I'd written, and not be able to remember where on earth I was planning to go with them. My past is still surprisingly vivid.

Wonder if it'll still be so clear in another ten years?