Friday, April 16, 2010

Notes from 2010: December 22, 1998.

I actually get a little egotistical in this post. I'm almost impressed that I could still get that up myself at this point.

I don't think I ever saw Skylark again after this entry, so the whole becoming friends thing never happened. Probably for the best, really--I have no idea what she thought of me (though I'm reasonably certain she knew I was a girl), but unless she happened to be queer too, I was probably creeping her out. Whatever the case, she was never anything but pleasant to me.

I did continue to identify as bisexual, happily, and I became increasingly more comfortable with that as time went on. In 1998, still very early on in my coming out process, I would still have taken the mythical "straight pill" if someone had offered it to me. A year or two later that had already changed, and I wouldn't have given up being bi for any reason. In the present day my sexuality is one of the parts of my personality I am most confident in, comfortable with and certain of. (I actually prefer to identify as pansexual now, though I'll still call myself bisexual for simplicity at times, depending on who I'm talking to.) Looking back on the early days kind of makes me smile.

Sadly, the note about being glad my unrequited crush wasn't "an IRL thing" was prophetic. And, yes, you will get to see just how pathetic and awkward all that gets in some later entries. God, does all that make me squirm now.

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